This poem is currently unpublished.
On a chilly evening walking around Vancouver, BC, in January 2013 I wore a silk scarf given to me by a close friend. I walked around the streets that I lived on as a homeless child in the 1990s.
I was doing my first TV filming for a national production. I have always avoided TV interviews. It was a big step for me to accept this TV appearance. I was in Vancouver reluctantly. I had other plans of how and when I was to go to Vancouver, but they fell through.
As I walked through the battle grounds where I damaged hundreds of people in the past, and where I felt utterly lost and damaged as a child and young adult. I was now walking these streets a loving and compassionate man. I returned to the lower main land base where I proclaimed my war against society. I was once an over-zealous-fanatic demented by my commitment to engaging in a race war with my fellows. I walked these streets in 2013 feeling many things and left to process my return the streets. Alone.
I wore the scarf in solace. I walked. I cried. I experienced dialogues with street kids. I heard a story that crushed me. A girl in the same situation I was in when I was her age. I do not know her name. My life changed maybe hers will too, but most likely she will die. I processed these things alone, which made me sad. It seemed that decades later I walk the same streets that I lived on as a homeless youth utterly alone. This time, I am not utterly alone. And most importantly I have myself.
I have overcome many horrible things in my life, but there are somethings that can not be healed. People come and go, sometimes unnecessarily, the only constant is my own being. Sometimes the only thing I can do is find a way to embrace myself. With memories and solace from a scarf.