Tag Archive | hate

My First Book: Bruise Faced Child

 

(Photo by Brent Braaten – Prince George Citizen)

As many of you know, my childhood and youth were fraught with abuse, violence and adversity. For the last fifteen years, I have worked my ass off and completed 2 degrees, including a Masters in Social Work; now near complete a Law Degree.

Recently I published my first book: Bruise Faced Child (Click on link to purchase a copy in USA).

Or this link to buy from Canada.

 

The Prince George Citizen has published this article about my book.

 

 

 

Cherry Docs

I have written many blog articles, academic pieces and many declarative poetic narratives about my time in the white supremacist movement. I have also read and watched the work of others related to their experience with the white power networks around the world. I have not ever been so profoundly moved by an artistic piece as I have, to date, by the play written by David Gow called Cherry Docs.

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(Photo by Jenifer Norwell CBC)

The Director of the play in Kamloops, Glen Cairns, featured Nigel Beardwood who played Michael Downy, a neo-nazi skinhead on trial for racially motivated murder. Todd Sullivan played Beardwood’s Jewish lawyer.  Glen Cairns, the Director, is a survivor of a violent hate crime in Toronto back in the 1990s. The beating so severe his face had to be reconstructed. We were brought together by suggestion of a mutual friend, to whom I am grateful.

The play was moving. It was delivered with a vulnerable emotional connection, by a production and acting team that is passionate about life and the real social issues we face in society. This play is worth seeing.

Albeit, my boots are not Cherry Docs they are Oxblood Gripfast (used to be gettagrips) Rangers, which were one of the two main choices of boots selected by nazi skinheads since the 1980s. Both pairs are symbolically linked and represent the same thing, while also acknowledging there do exist some branding and functional differences. I will not discuss these distinguishments as I do not want to contribute to a promotion of the reasons why I selected these boots, but I will say that I always had a pair of Docs for one violent purpose and this style of boot for another violent purpose.

I could write a very long article on what I experienced but instead I encourage you to see the play that runs until Jan. 24 2016 in Kamloops. I also encourage you to read this article by CBC and listen to this interview with Glen, Nigel and Myself as we discuss our intersection, Cherry Docs (boots), in the theatre of life.

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(Photo by Jenifer Norwell CBC: Right to left: Nigel Beardwood, Daniel Gallant, Glen Cairns)

The only sad part about this experience is that in response to the CBC’s article (as seen here) is riddled by comments by white supremacists. One particular individual, who is a member of a specific skinhead organization and is responsible for cowardice beatings of our community members and was charged with a hate crime, took to the internet to express his rejection of the healing nature of our collective cathartic experiences.

It is a good reminder for me to know that there are still people who are lost and cling on to the grips of power-over others through violence/intimidation, while riddled with denial and false consciousness about our shared humanness (as I once was)…there is still much work to be done…but at the very least even those who are where I once was are now discussing and engaging on the forefront (or at least periphery) with the work of deconstructing hatred in our communities.

I challenge any and all persons who believe in the things I once did to reach out and have civil dialogue in order for us to grow collectively, rather than holding onto to abusive ways that defeat the thing that we all similarly strive for: survival and a better life. I do not condemn those for believing what they do, but I do openly challenge the not-always-so-apparent logical fallacies and conspirators perceptions of those who dedicate themselves to a movement fuelled by hatred, fear and denial.

There is a better way to live.

The Organ of Hate & Love

The organs’ vibrations can be masked and braided or even twisted. Music is the structure of each organ’s function in the body of life that justifies and vacillates expression.

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Sameness, Hate Crimes and Blood Alley

I spent years in the DTES (downtown eastside) Vancouver. I committed a lot of hate crimes there. Blood Alley was a place I frequented.

Now, at times, I am bothered by the recall of the feel, smells and tastes of blood soaked into my skin and clothes. I am reminded of the sputters and chokes and gags and screams and cries of the abuse I perpetrated. I am reminded of waking up with swollen hands and infected gashes on my knuckles. I am reminded of my fingers sticking together due to the dried syrup blood. I remember the adrenaline hang overs that made me puke…or maybe it was a spiritual rejection of my disgusting behaviour.

…now after years, education, social transformation and a whole lot of healing…I am still haunted by my own deeds and the pain I caused for others, in moments that likely linger for their whole lives…I remember…

…blood alley

Racism Smells Like Blood in Blood Alley

Shapeshifting Images: Manifested Transformative Tattoo of Realism

From Edm Journal

(picture by Edmonton Journal ~ Canwest Media Works)

Full of anger and hatred I pounded people’s faces into the pavement with a twisted drive of relentless energy.

Daniel (6 of 22)

(picture by Peter Rudge~ DuckRabbit)

The Scars of Past that remained on my body are symbolic of the power hungry mechanism of hate that I bore in order to tunnel my inner turmoil and fear into the eyes, hearts, and centre  of my victims being; until I was forced to look at my self in a spiritual reflection within my son’s eyes. The day he was born I saw a mirrored child. He was a reflection of myself. I did not want him to be raised into a world of abuse and hate.

Daniel (5 of 22)

(picture by Peter Rudge~ DuckRabbit)

After years of self-reflection, personal development through dialogical post secondary studies, Cree-Saulteaux-Sioux cultural influence, and meaningful activism through writing, intelligence sharing, protests, and media interviews I have been able to contribute to the progressive advancement of a society I was at utter war against.

This last summer I completed writing my Masters thesis that reflected on my past extremist violence and compared my personal transformation with the social change of three other former-white supremacists. I found so many more commonalities than I had anticipated. I thought I was different than everyone, boy was I wrong. I thought each story would reflect utter differences but what I found was that the four of us, in the study, were very similar. We were actually more like everyone else than I had ever anticipated, our challenges and epiphanies did not seem a far stretch from normal experiences (of course minus the extreme violence and propaganda). This retrospective perception has brought me to further consideration of who I am, at the core of my being.

A small town kid who loved going to kohkum’s house every summer. My home, Moberly Lake, had nothing but fond loving memories for me. My mom’s parents, may auntie Linda’s house, and kohkum’s place. The smell of drying moose meat, tanned hides, horses, and the autumn paths that lead to the rocky beach which was joined by a year round icy water that we swam in. My home. My boy body was a temple of happiness that could not be defeated by physical and sexual abuse when we returned each year to Moberly Lake, the safest place in the world.

Years later I returned to Moberly Lake seeking refuge. I found refuge. Kohkum gave me my own cabin after I ran away from my home in Toronto at age 12. Then I began drinking and smoking drugs. By age 14, I was on the downtown east side of Vancouver. After spending nearly two years in juvenile detention centres, from 15-17, I returned to the streets of east Vancouver. I then began scarring my body with symbols of hate. A confederate flag then a swastika; a celtic cross; another swastkia with a fist in the centre of it; then an Odal Rune. I declared war through symbology and language, as I spat at people, and engaged in acts of terror and war against the society I was born into. I engaged in acts of warfare against minorities and First Nations peoples.

I directed my own pain and fear at those who reflected the very things I hated about myself. It took years to learn this about myself. I had great teachers though: kohkum, auntie Muriel, Pastor Ed Sukow, counsellor Darren Wilks, Neil Meyer, Chris Rosebrugh, Dave Mcdonald, former Chief Jerry Goodswimmer, Gary Moostoos, Garry Gottfriedson, Dr. Ross Hoffman, auntie Linda Nichols, cousin Josh Nichols and Elenora Joe and so many other pivotal people; of course the longer I am on this path the more people join the list of my teachers.

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(picture from Global 16×9 show)

I returned to Vancouver, for the filming of the TV show 16×9, after years of needed separation from a city that I was at war with nearly two decades ago.  I was only in Vancouver for a few days for the filming. I had to return several times in order to connect with the streets I was battled. I needed to move further away from my not-so-distant propensity of violence by confronting the demons that haunted me on the streets. I was homeless abused youth who sought refuge in the war mind of the white supremacist movement. In the summer of 2013 I returned to Vancouver after spending  few weeks in Edmonton, Alberta.

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I had gone to Edmonton as a guest speaker at the 2013 Hate2Hope rally that was organized an aboriginal youth named Chevi Rabbit. He was the target of a hate crime and has turned this horrific experience as a tool to speak against hate. I attended the speech and two of my close friends attended the rally, both Gary Moostoos and Jerry Goodswimmer. Both of these men were instrumental throughout my personal transformation from a life of hate. After the rally both Jerry and Gary agreed it may be time to consider removing my tattoos. In the past I was provided with the opportunity to have my white power tattoos removed through laser surgery. This was offered by the Canadian Jewish Congress. I did several sessions. However, between advice from my friends and the overwhelming pain and lingering healing process due to flare ups of my skin disorder I had decided to stop the laser surgery. I was still carrying my scars of past. In 2013, I was prompted to finally consider getting these tattoos either removed or covered.

While visiting Vancouver I visited my old stomping grounds. I walked down Commercial Drive as a man, not an angry and violent youth, and concluded that the tattoos I was still carrying in my skin had to be removed, or at least covered up. I walked into a convenience store to buy a bottle of water. I was wearing a t-shirt and the swastika on my forearm was visible. When I paid for my drink I twisted my forearm inwards in order to hide the offensive tattoo. The cashier lady looked at me in the eyes and smiled. When she looked down she saw the swastika on my arm.

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The cashier then looked scared and did not look into my eyes again. Saddened by the fact that the swastika on my arm was still visible to everyone, I wondered what I could cover it with. I then passed a corner that I used to walk past when I was a young angry white supremacist soldier. I then reflected back in my life, to a time before my hateful days. I was just a sad and angry street kid. I remembered how much I loved a pocket watch I used to carry. I never used the pocket watch as a watch. The watch always stayed closed. I only cared about the vibration of the ticking. Each second that passed manifested with a tick.

Sometimes the click would vibrate through my pocket into my leg. When I took the pocket watch out of my pocket and carried it in my hand I could feel every passing second in the palm of my hand. When I think about walking down the street holding the pocket watch in my hand, I used to think I am seconds ahead from where I was, just moments before. When I was distraught the clicking offered me a security that I was making it through this life without exploding. The ticking-clicking sensation would distract my mind and feelings from the intrusive reminders of devastation from my childhood that still incessantly haunted me. I also felt relieved I made through another second that brought me closer to the end of my life. Each vibrating second was a moment closer to death. That brought me solace.

I recalled what it was like being a child and locked up for nearly two years. The clock in my cell would tick away no matter what happened. Even when I would beat on another kid or smash the furniture the clock always ticked when I was put into isolation. As  rage poured out my eyes in violent fits of exacerbation, the clock would tick comfort until I fell asleep. I would think to myself “Why did I need to live in this world of pain?”

As I reached the crest of the hill on Commercial Drive that morning, I found my answer. I would cover the swastika on my arm with a pocket watch. The time reads 11:03 as I was born on the 11th of March. My only demand was that the person who tattoos me had to be a gentle woman. Never again would I let a man who promotes violence tattoo me.

Every tattoo on my body was etched by men filled with angered and abusive natures. But then again, the culture of North American men is built upon dominance and violence. It was finally time I let women help me heal some more. I know so many beautiful women who live compassionately and remind me why non-violence is necessary. This was my personal way to symbolically resolve a new connectivity to women, who are supportive as I walk further away from the tumultuous path of abuse.

My first cover up, the pocket watch, flew by with some nice relaxed conversation between the artist and myself. I barely felt any discomfort or pain. It was a fairly pleasurable tattoo session. That is not how I remembered tattoos. When I recall getting tattoos, years ago, I cringed at the non-stop pain. I hated pain. I hated tattoos. I hated myself.

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After the tattoo session, I sat with my cousin Josh debriefing about how I felt relieved. He suggested I get my stomach tattoo covered asap. He recommended a reputable shop. We looked at the website and portfolios of the artists. I was excited, “shit Josh! these artists are crazy good”.

Both Josh and I were instantly impressed with Rene Botha’s art work. The website for the tattoo shop had what I would call an application process; Liquid Amber Tattoo, located in the downtown east side of Vancouver’s gas town. While surfing the website it felt right as we looked at the art. “Josh, they would want me to wait too long. I need them gone now. The website says I got to wait a year for an appointment.”

He looked at me with stern compassion, “go and tell them your story and why you want them gone, you never know.” His confidence gave me hope. Our dialogue taught me something. He loved me and only wanted the best for me. I trusted his input, as I often do. The only reason I finished my second university degree was because of Josh’s encouragement. He was the only one who believed I needed to continue with my degree. Most of my friends and families thought university was a waste of time and that I should spend my time working in the oil fields or working as a counsellor. He knew what I did not know, which was that there was a progressive education for higher learning out there that would challenge me and result in further personal growth. My education would bring me to a realization of understanding hope as a motive to contribute to social change.

I walked into Liquid Amber Tattoo. The receptionist Jessie told me that they would be booked up for months in advance and the only possibility of getting me in was if one of the guest artists could do my stomach cover up. I thanked her and emailed her my ideas for a cover up and some links of media work outlining my personal journey.

The following day Jessie contacted me to set up an appointment the day after with an artist named Rene. I met with Rene Botha and she quizzed me about my ideas for an image. I told her that I wanted a raven or a crow because of the blackbirds in east Vancouver. It is said to have the largest murder (crow population) rate in the world. At least that is the word on the street. I emphasized that the raven represents shapeshifting and transformation, but not just an individual level but also collective and cultural transformation. I learned these lessons from Cree cultural teachings. But I insisted that the image must be reflective with a horizon of the city or something. I also requested that the image does not borrow or synthesize ‘native art’ that reek of cultural appropriation. I preferred the natural representation, or close to it.

Rene spent the weekend designing my piece and emailed me a photo of the sketch the following business day.

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(the image is an ambiguous and abstract interpretable piece [what is it?])

As soon as I looked at the image I was taken aback. I was more than impressed. I felt honoured that her art would be on my body. We arranged a start date for the following week. I wanted to complete the piece in one week. Rene indicated that if I was able to sit under the gun that long she would have no problem doing so. I was excited.

I wanted to have a friend of mine use my DSLR camera to record video footage and take photos to document the progress. A couple of years ago I won an award at the Weaving Words Aboriginal Storytelling Festival for a piece I wrote called Scars of Past. I wanted to develop a video piece on my tattoos and transformation. I had no video recording experience, but I was determined to find a way to make this happen. My friend was unable to come to Vancouver and operate my camera for me.

While I was in Vancouver in the summer of 2013 I connected with a filmmaker I had met three years ago at UNBC. I had just started my Masters’ in Social Work. There was a presentation that I attended on fracking, which is a natural resource extraction process. I was familiar with tracking because of two reasons. First, I had worked in the oil field many years ago as a truck driver. Second, my parents had illegal waste dumped on their property in Chetwynd, BC. It just so happened that the film, Fractured Land, was about the same territory that I was from.

During the presentation it became clear that the subject of Fractured Lands, Caleb Behn, was familiar with my personal story and my family’s experience with fracking. In fact, it was frack fluid that was dumped on my parents’ land mixed with human sewage. The illegal dump has most likely resulted in my auntie’s sickness. The day of the dump she was hospitalized due to, what I will refer to as, chemical burns in her lungs. She now has cancer and is trying to live her days in a loving and caring way. Needless to say I have a lot of anger towards the oil industry. In fact, I left the oil field because of corruption. I had exposed a case of environmental abuses that resulted in an Oklahoma based company operating in the Fort St john area being fined over $200,000. Of course that is pocket change. But for me, it was representative of my saying “fuck you” to the system that damaged my auntie, cousins, and siblings. The Fractured Land film crew was definitely doing good work.

They were interested in interviewing my aunt who now has cancer. I arranged for the film crew to speak with her. My aunt Linda is a brave mother. She is one of the strongest women from my biological family. In fact she is one of the only people from my mother’s family whom I trust and can whole heartily say I love. Many other members of the family can easily be referred to as abusive. I had chosen to not be involved with those family members.

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The first day went well. I was at the shop for ten hours. I sat under the gun for seven and a half hours. After the first day I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. I felt completely broken. I walked out of the shop, got in my car, and drove away. I was driving down East Hastings leaving the city to go to my cousins house. This was the same road that I took my first time I went downtown Vancouver.

At age fourteen I hitchhiked from northern BC to Vancouver. I continued thumbing it from the highway down Hastings. I was not familiar with the community.I was not aware of all of the prostitution and drugs. I was oblivious. I was a child. The man who picked me up wanted me to suck his dick. I was confused. He saw my confusion. He looked at me and said “you really have no idea about this area, do you?”

I explained it was my first time in the city. He told me to never hitchhike there unless I was working. “ohhh! no I do not have a job. I left home.”

The john shook his head and explained to me that I had a lot to learn and to be careful or someone was going to hurt me. I am grateful he was empathetic and compassionate. In hindsight, my first trip to Vancouver was a blessing.  I was definitely out of my league.

Twenty five years after my first trip of hitchhiking down Hastings while being mistaken for a male prostitute, I was recalling these events. I reflected on why I left home i.e. physical abuse, sexual abuse, and verbal abuse. I curiously wondered why anybody would treat a child the way my parents did. I wondered why nobody came to save me. I wondered why teachers, social workers, and police blamed me for my families’ problems. They blamed the victim. I thought about the racism I was taught. My mind was consumed with flashes of all of the people I had hurt. I was overwhelmed with sadness for all the pain I caused. I did not want to finish the tattoo process because I did not want to feel pain anymore, but I knew I had to get through it. The least I could do was to go through a bit of pain in order to stop offending people with my tattoos. I felt shattered and broken from all the pain I had experienced. My eyes filled with tears.

I choked them back and felt my rage creep in. I wanted to stop the car and smash the windows in my vehicle. I wanted to  kill someone. I felt like I wanted to kill myself. I was sick of the world. Then I told myself to “stop!”

I pulled my car over. I was feet away from a spot where I had once beaten a black man into unconsciousness. My eyes streamed out tears. I did not want to be angry. I embraced my sadness. I embraced the questions of why I was so angry. I embraced the fact that I have transformed my identity and built a new life. I felt the compassion of people involved in my healing journey. Rene and the film crew came to mind. I decided in that moment that I would see these people as my family. That they were my mainstays. My rocks. I decided that I would allow them to be there for me on this journey. My body was hurting, and it was self-inflicted. I had to focus on the end result. I would get rid of these hateful symbols that restrict my ability to swim with my kids and that I will no longer offend people if I am shirtless. I found strength in my sadness and vulnerability.

I went to my cousin’s house and both he and his wife were there for me. I got a hug. I got to talk and share what was going on for me. I was heard!…finally after all of these years people would hear me. My cousin reminded me that these filmmakers and others believe in me; and that he believes in me. I continued to cry, but I was ok. A friend once said to me “maybe you’re not falling apart, maybe you’re falling together.”

The First Session Set

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(*day one @ 7.5 hrs.)

My first day of tattooing lasted all day long. I was at shop ten hours. I was booked in for four days straight. After day one we realized I would not be able to complete the tattoo in one week like I had originally hoped. I rested after the first day. I was sore as hell. But i looked forward to being tattooed by one of the most impressive people I have met, Rene Botha. Not only has she been a cultural edge walker, but she was absolutely beautiful both inside and out. It made going back to the shop so much easier.

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(back to back ~ day 2 @ 4 hours)

After day two I could not last more than four hours. I had passed out twice, which I did not tell the tattoo artist. I was afraid this would damage our relationship. My mind felt overloaded. I was consumed with physical pain.

The Second Session Set

I was still in Vancouver. I was crashing at my cousins and sleeping in my van from time to time. I came back to the tattoo shop partially healed and ready to experience more physical pain, reluctantly.

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(day 3 @ 4.5 hours)

I came back six days later to do two more back to back sessions. I was still raw and sore.

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(day 4 @ 4 hours)

After this session I was ready to get out of the shop and never return. As the tattoo gun got close to my arm pit it triggered a memory from fifteen years before. I recalled when one of my uncles had attacked me. He rammed his thumb nail into my arm pit leaving bruising from his huge hands that gripped my entire chest muscle. He pinned me against the wall while holding me by two of my pressure points and banging my body on the solid brick wall. I had no choice but to either find a way to fight back or to be beaten. I overcame incredible pain in my armpit and punched him straight in the face. He dropped me. I was free. I then stepped forward and combination punched him in the face until he was unconscious then I jumped on top of his limp body and continued beating his face until my step-dad and cousin pulled me off. He was left with a swollen face and six boxer cuts from my knuckles. As the tattoo needles went near my armpit tears streamed down my face. I felt a pity for my past self. I grew up in a violent home. I grew up being that violence and abuse were the most solid resolve to conflict. I felt grateful to be a different man today.

The Third Session Set

While I was in Vancouver I found out there were some issues with my thesis committee. I had to return to Prince George in order to ensure the issues were dealt with in a timely fashion. I returned to Prince George in September, 2013. Earlier that year in April, I had sold my home because I was informed I would defend my thesis by September 1st, 2013. That did not happen. I then had to move back to Prince George, after a summer of living in my 1978 VW Van I enjoyed the summer mountain biking; now it was time to go north and deal with university politics.

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I had to fly from Prince George to Vancouver for each session. The plan that was proposed by Rene was to do two separate four hour sessions back-to-back during each trip. The running joke amongst the staff team at Liquid Amber Tattoo and the film crew was that I had a low threshold for pain. “Not so tough now eh?”

I explained I was never tough. The only reason I could fight is because I was willing to bite, stab, poke eyes, or anything else I needed to do to control a fight. I was good at fighting in order to avoid getting hit. I did not target weak people; that is not to say I never hit anyone who was not vulnerable, because I did. I did not shy away from fighting five guys at a time who had weapons, and equally so, I did not shy away from hitting nearly anyone who made me angry. I was never physically strong. I am a small man, and when I was violent I was an even smaller person. This tattoo process has literally brought me to my knees. I had cried. I had given up. But I kept showing up. I did what I had to do. I wanted to do this to avoid hurting others and to offer my children an opportunity to enjoy me without these racist scars from my past.

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I arrived in Vancouver and we began more sessions while filming.

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(Adam filming tattoo)

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(day 5 @ 4hours)

The second day was brutal. I could not stand the pain. I was unable to last the full four hours. We were able to get a small section on the belly done. Rene was more than accommodating. I left the session and walked straight to my hotel room and cried myself to sleep. I was sick of the physical pain. But even more than the stress of the physical pain, I felt completely alone. I just wanted to have somebody with me.

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(day 6 @ 2.5 hours)

This last session was intense but short. It took a lot out of me. I had to quit, there was no possible way I could have lasted the full four hours. The back to back days were too much on this trip.

The Fourth Session Set

This trip was my favourite trip. I drove down with a dear friend. We had met through her family. I love her parents, and they love me. It felt like everything just fit. All of us agreed with that. I felt like I belonged in their family. After meeting their daughter who was the same age as me, I felt absolutely blessed. She is a hilarious writer with a smile that cannot be replaced. She drove down to Vancouver with me. We laughed and had a blast. Until we got to the city. It became clear to her how difficult the tattooing process was for me.

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Rene’s plan for the seventh session was to re-do the ink on the sun. Again I was triggered to remember some past violence. This time I was getting flashes of past physical violence perpetrated by my second step-dad. When I was eleven years old I started getting my ass kicked hard by him. Those ass kickings left bruises all over my body including my ribs and face. The sun brought those memories back, perhaps I had some more ‘personal-shit’ to work through. At least this time I had “her” beautiful embrace.

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(day 7 @ 3 hours)

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(my favourite photo)

The gal I started seeing had a cousin who lived in Vancouver. Her cousin was out of town and invited us to use their condo for a couple days. The picture below is my old stomping grounds. I worked at two bars in the buildings below around 1995. I was a violent racist skinhead. Now nearly two decades later, I was looking down at my past as I was looking towards my future. It was surreal. On the street below I had committed countless hate crimes. Her cousins’ husband was a man who left the racist skinhead network many years ago. We had past mutual acquaintances. Here I was in a condo with another person who understood me, as we looked down towards my old stomping grounds. I was getting rid of my hateful scars. I had her arms wrapped around me as she murmured “I love you.”

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(day 8 @ 3 hours)

The next day, I got more done. Again, I could not last the full four hours. I was able to make three hours though. I knew that I had her embrace. That night we went to her friends for a dinner party. I was pretty silent and not thinking right. My mind was trying to be where I physically was, but I kept zipping back to my childhood. Each twinge of pain on my chest exacerbated my social skills. I sat in a room full of her friends. Inside I felt less than. I felt like I did not belong. Here I was, a former Nazi skinhead, with a loving woman. I was unable reconcile how I got to where I am in life. Completing my second university degree and abandoning a life of violent extremism. On the drive back to her cousins condo I exposed my raw thinking. Thoughts I maybe should have kept to myself. My triggered negative thinking became apparent. I was in midst of physical pain, intrusive memories of abuse, and a thesis supervisor who was inconsistent and irrational. Everything seemed to be coming down hard on my mind and heart. I silently cried myself to sleep with her wrapped around me.

The Fifth Session Set

In January 2014 I had the fifth session. I flew down to Vancouver…alone!

During the xmas holidays I struggled in a way I have not struggled for many years. I have not allowed myself to enter a relationship because of the way I had handled being emotionally hurt in the past. It seems that when I am emotionally hurt I withdraw, isolate, and internally beat the shit out of my own spirit. Then I am left trying reconcile my intrusive  demons. I wish this was not my struggle, but it would be untruthful to present it as anything else but…

Over the holidays I was under a deliberate attack by my children’s mother and her new found love, my cousin. This dynamic has impacted my relationship with my children. These social attacks force me to re-visit old feelings of childhood abuse. At the same time I was dealing with a delay in my graduate studies. My thesis process was put on hold for more than seven months while having to pay tuition. I was in limbo without any movement. I was so frustrated I nearly quit school. I was dealing with these life situations and facing my normal holiday demons that were also compounded with the intrusive triggers onset by the physical pain of the tattoo process.

I am surprised I actually made it through the xmas holidays as well as I did. I remembered one thing, no matter how bad shit feels, I am doing a lot better than I did when I lived on the streets. However, my demons impacted this new found relationship. It definitely took it’s toll on her. It seems my demons instigated and summoned her dragon that then set my world on fire. She had to separate herself. I accepted this.

I had no choice but to accept and sit still for weeks. I sat still during the holidays in -30 degrees Celsius winter. Isolated and alone…looking forward to only one thing…having this tattoo completed. No matter how much pain was coming I was willing to make it through this. If nothing else, I would ensure I made it through the tattoo process. I was not completely alone. I had my cousin, my auntie, my friends from UNBC First Nations Centre, and new friends I continue to make…but friends and family cannot fill this kind of absence. I am faced with having to let go, not only of the person I got so comfortable with so fast, but also the idea that I fit within their family. Saddened, I continue to walk my path and face my demons.

Much like the tattoo process I had to feel the pain and go through it. I now know that the best way to to take pain, is to taste the pain. To embrace the pain. To lay back and breath, then when it becomes unbearable and my limit is reached, take a break. Then come back another day and taste the pain.

I made it through four hours. Progress!

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(day 9 @ 4 hours)

Finally the old swastika was concealed. Now for the following day. The belly button area hurt real bad.

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(day 10)

The last official session! The only thing left was one more trip to do four hours of touch ups. When I returned home I was waiting for the final touch up session I had another film project I was working with. DuckRabbit is a film company from London, UK. They were contracted through the Kanishka Project that is coordinated by the Institute for Strategic Dialogue.I was invited into the film series as a member of a steering committee. I was then approached to be a subject of one of the films. This counter violent extremist film series is to be shown in public schools all over Canada. Working with DuckRabbit reminded me that my story is important and I must keep pushing forward. I had also made some headway with my thesis committee. Things were looking up a bit more…although I still feel an vacancy in my heart.

The Sixth & Final Session Set

Two weeks before the final touch ups on my new ink, my daughter Madisson phoned me. She was laughing her ass off. She said she was at home showing her boyfriend family photos. She came across a picture of me (shirtless) and my two daughters when they were young. Apparently her boyfriend was shocked, and rightfully so.

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I was disheartened by the imprint I left in my kids’ minds. I polluted them when they were young. I corrupted them; but I have also taught them people can change. I have kept this tattoo cover up process a secret from my kids. The reason for keeping it a secret was in hopes that when I see them next I would take them to the beach and take off my shirt and see their expression. But after my daughter sent me this picture of me with two of my daughters I felt obligated to tell her…but I did wait till the day after my last session.

During the last session me and Rene shared some laughs. She may have even been happier than I was to finish the piece. She designed the piece. It is her art. Plus, when I reflect on my low pain tolerance, I think I was probably a challenging client. I winced and cringed. At least thats how I feel…perhaps I am a little hard on myself though.

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(day 11 @ 3.5 hours)

This is the final product!

Post Tattoo Session

ME ON BEACH

About three years ago my friend Rhonda Lee McIsaac challenged me to a bet. I do not recall the bet, but I know I lost. I owed her.  The agreement was that one day if/when I cover up my stomach swastika tattoo that I would send her a specific picture. She always loved the above picture of me when she saw it posted on my Facebook account. I promised to send her a picture of me flexing my muscles, like I did when I was goofing around at Moberley Lake as a kid.

So…even if I look like a fool…here you go RLM.

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I do risk a lot posting these goofy pictures, and my vulnerable truth, but here is the thing…this tattoo is more than about erasing hate. It is about reconnecting to the child I once was, the boy who was beaten and abused. I am allowing myself to share with my friends and the world the declaration of my vulnerability. I know how to love well. I know how to be loved. In moments it can be a very difficult state of being, especially when faced with demons…but I am doing it.

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(Adam Myhill)

We spent the following day in Adam’s film and photography studio in downtown Vancouver. We did some final interviews and photo shoot. When the shoot was over Damien and I walked down Granville Street, where I was recruited into the white supremacist movement many years ago. Damien indicated he had enough footage for a online teaser and a twenty minute documentary short film. Damien has indicated he is very interested in pursuing my story for a feature film . He wants to follow my successes. To date that includes a Bachelor degree in First Nations Studies, published writing, Masters in Social Work, and a life after hatred. After we walked and talked, we parted ways.

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(film maker Damien Gillis with the one and only beautiful Rene Botha)

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(Adam)

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The Final Chapter

I sent my daughter a text picture message of my new tattoo. I had to show her, that things changed and I want her to show her boyfriend that her dad got rid of that old hate shit. My daughter responded:

“holy shit…is that a tattoo?…or marker?”

I laughed so hard. I guess it would be hard to imagine her dad without that old tattoo, especially after sixteen years. Here next responses meant the world to me. While I write this blog post I can hear her voice.

“fuuuuqqqqq…I love you.”

One thing a Cree elder taught me was not to say good bye…we should always say see you soon or that is all for now till later…

ekosi maka

Driving Alone

Driving through the hills between snowbanks taller than the car, slipping on corners as the car glasses over the sheen ice skin of the road. Attempts to steer with caution not driven by fear seems impossible. The moments when driving bush trails between thick northern forests between sparse lakes. The dead cold movement of only the snow that tumbles off the branches of ancient giants. The odd creak, crack, and smashing of a broken branch followed by the thundered bombs of heavy snow that slams to the forest floors. The solitudinist drives home, alone, through mountains reflecting on the heaviness that so often separates me from everyone else.

The Heaviness:

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The Solitudinist:

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Alone in Mountains:

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Google Ideas Summit: Conflict in a Connected World: 2013

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Bio

My name is Daniel Gallant, and I am a graduate student from the University of Northern British Columbia (UNBC). My discipline of study is First Nations Studies and Social Work. I have worked as a counselor, group home supervisor, researcher, educator, and have been published in university presses, literary journals/magazines, radio, and peer reviewed journal throughout Canada, USA, and Germany. In addition, my social justice advocacy and activism work has gained national attention through radio, television, print, and online media sources. My passion for transformative pedagogy can be identified in my role as a researcher, practitioner, educator, writer, and activist.

First Nations Newsletter

Research

My graduate research identified themes of disengagement identified within autobiographic stories of former-violent right wing extremists. This research is as important as it is unique for several reasons. First, it is a qualitative thematic analysis of creative non-fiction stories, which was developed in order to fulfill a gap in an underdeveloped area of research as identified by global counter-terrorist scholars. This study does not only fulfill an undeveloped gap within scholarship, but is further unique due to the methodological analysis and my socio-cultural position as a researcher and former violent right wing extremist. The design of my research is an auto-ethno-graphic study that illustrates a theoretical lens and analysis based within my personal connection, as a researcher, to the group I am studying.

Each former-violent extremist in this study had successfully disengaged from violent right wing extremist action; disengagement being defined as stopping violent extremist behavior. However, each of the individuals experienced more than mere disengagement, each individual had also achieved a shift of cognitive paradigm and social transformation. Each individual in the study has worked with marginalized, oppressed, and/or persecuted minority groups. Each individual has been recognized to be, at minimum, an ally to marginalized/oppressed/colonized groups, identified as such by the said group(s). My research was funded by Public Safety Canada through the Kanishka Project, which is a memorial research fund for the Air India bombing.

I have identified a list of thematic commonalities amongst the former violent right wing extremists in my study. This list adds some insights into potential resources that I recommend to be developed into progressive social change for former right wing extremists and others. Through my critical lens I articulate that right wing extremist ideological threads are rooted within the collective social consciousness of Canada and the USA. I establish this through personal experience, social policy and scholarship. Moreover, I explicitly challenge the dominant ethno-centric-mono-culture of North American society to consider how and why right wing extremist ideology is perpetuated through our socio-political structures.

A lot of scholarship indicates that progressive social change can most effectively be actualized and/or transformed if we shift pedagogically. In a global society that is now connected through the Internet it worth considering factors beyond the scope of my research that focalizes upon the role of technology within contexts of social transformation and cultural progression. New social network are emerging and current social networks within society are acculturating through technological advancements. I believe that as researchers it our duty to not only maintain ethical locations in social research, but to also facilitate collective education that does consider our global unification in a manner that addresses hegemonic and schismatic designs of the institutions in which we are located; this includes the sometimes controversial counter-terrorist/extremist scholarship. Given that the terms terrorism and extremism are culturally relevant terms it is worthy of acknowledgement that critical socio-cultural/political discourse(s) do have their place within this field.

If we as researchers, educators, and scholars do not contribute to progressive social learning we may be doomed to repeat age old, and sometimes archaic, social patterns. One area that I address through my graduate research is with First Nations in Canada. There are potential pitfalls in counter terrorist/extremist research and scholarship that could emerge from delving into context of First Nations extremism, or what may constitute as extremism. Needless to say extremist ideology and action can occur in any cultural group, but we as Canadians understand that First Nations people have faced assimilation, colonization, genocide, and ethnocidal projects administered by the state, church, academy, and society at large as a dominant ethno-centric force that maintains, even today, apartheid over First Nations populations.

Google Ideas, [S]AVE, and Social Change

Two years ago Google Ideas, “think/do tank”, Director Jared Cohen brought former-violent extremists together with survivors of extremist violence. As a result of SAVE, Jared Cohen established the Against violent Extremism (AVE) network that connects survivors of extremist violence with former-extremists, NGOs and media. AVE is currently Directed by Ross Frenett, he also works with the Institute for Strategic Dialogue (ISD). I was introduced to AVE and Google Ideas after SAVE. I then contacted Jared Cohen directly. He immediately put me in contact with Ross Frenett, and others within the AVE network.

Since my introduction to this social network I have learned that my experience as a former-violent extremist is not an isolated circumstamce. I now have ongoing social connections with others who have experienced similar things and face some parallel challenges, more importantly there is bridging and social healing transpiring in relationships between former-extremists, survivors of extremist violence, governments, and NGOs. Moreover, a collective voice to concerns that I, and we as a collective, have in regards to public safety concerns, policy directions, information/intelligence on active extremists, and resource development for formers and survivors alike.

Google Summit

I was invited to New York City to the 2013 by Google Ideas to a Summit they developed on Conflict in a Connected World (CICW) at the Conrad Hilton, as a member of the Against Violent Extremism (AVE) network I was asked to present at a working think/do lab group at the CICW Summit.

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On day one of the Summit I was re-acquainted with another Terrorism, Security, and Society (TSAS) reserach affiliate, Mubin Shaikh; as AVE members both of us were excited to share some aspects of work with others from activists, government, military, media, and other think tanks from around the world. I was introduced to TSAS by means of using a Google search on counter-terrorism research. Both of us presented a combination of our graduate research, use of social media within our counter-messaging-narratives, and activist work. The outcomes of our think tank labs included directions for development of cyber tools that could assist in tracking and building a centralized extremist database to identify issues faced when responding to extremist-messages, and potential of establishing sustainable counter-narrative messages.

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My presentation covered a number of topics under my activism based work as a former-violent right wing extremist. My presentation included:

1)   Interventions I have facilitated in response to youth being radicalized and recruited by white supremacists online. I have facilitated these interventions through social media by building my databases and providing that information to authorities that have then intervened and has resulted in decreasing and ceasing social media interactions between youth and hate groups.

2)   Exposing white supremacists through profiling their online extremist activity.

3)   Exposing a globalizing extremist network, diversified right wing spectrum that has gone largely unnoticed, and pluralism of ethnic groups involved and working with white supremacists. This network of pluralism in the extremist spectrum includes white supremacists who convert as extremist Muslims and extremist Hindus; this is also seen in the inverse where visible minorities join white supremacist organizations. As absurd and ridiculous this seems to be on the surface there is an intentional function of this dynamic and an ideological thread that ties these extremist groups together. This is a somewhat confusing and discombobulating circumstance that most people would not understand. Thus, speaks particularly to the value of including former-violent extremists into the dialogue of social policy in order to offer a bearing and resource to policy makers, government, and law enforcement in order effectively respond to extremist narratives and violence.

4)   Exposing alleged former-violent right wing extremists such as the Canadian Airborne Commando 2 former-Cpl. Matt Mckay. I explained that I had invited former-Cpl. Mckay to participate in an intervention I was facilitating. The intervention was seemingly successful. Afterwards former-Cpl. Matt Mckay then began changing his position and indicated to the youth that it felt to much like the ‘old-days’ and should go target and kill an identifiable minority. Former-Cpl. Mckay then linked the youth with an active white supremacist hate group in the following months.

5)   I presented about a case of a youth I had recruited over fifteen years ago from Dawson Creek, BC who was attending the College of New Caledonia in Prince George had began implementing his bomb plots to start bombing First Nations communities. As a result of my intelligence this man was not only convicted one time, but twice for manufacturing explosive devices; the latter charge was in 2010, in Prince George.

6)   Issues with reporting hate crimes to local authorities in Canada, particularly in both BC and Alberta. I presented several examples of cases and the responses to these particular issues. I also summarized my experience in the differences of working with municipal police, RCMP to National Security and Military Police. As a result of this case it was recognized by our think tank lab that this issue seemed to be a global trend. Thus, we have identified a potential experimental tool that will be developed in the coming months in order create a database that will be accessible to me and others within the AVE in order to pressure appropriate responses from policy makers, governments, and law enforcement.

7)   In conjunction with issues relating to the resistance of local law enforcement in BC and AB to respond to hate crime activity effectively, I also provided a summarization of the futility of a local Prince George project entitled Anti-Racist Protocol. This was a multi-level initiative that was to be accessible to the community to respond to hate crime activity, but was a failed and inaccessible resource even though promised to be otherwise by municipal government, provincial government, RCMP, and a local NGO. Moreover, I brought this to the attention of municipal and federal leaders who then deferred me to the RCMP and to trust their judgment. The discussion around the CICW Summit in context to my presentation was that others in Canada, and abroad, also faced similar challenges. Thus, dialogue around government and law enforcement accountability were further discussed.

8)   Lastly, I presented that former-extremists lack resources after disengaging. There are no disengagement/de-radicalization programs available, no appropriate social services, nor funding available to establish such entities.

  1. I being an emerging Social Worker and experienced counselor and social service manager can fill some of these gaps. Moreover, my intention to go to law school was encouraged in order to effect long term goals of an emerging cultural group of former-violent extremists in Canada and globally. With hundreds of members in the AVE network we see that this is a growing trend. Disengagement is identified as a stage of terrorism-extremism. Thus, we will see more formers emerge.
  2. I have identified a need to build a scholarship (or alternative-like option) fund for former-violent extremists, whether from the far right-left or gangs, in order to contribute a stronger presence that will influence social policy. Already in the AVE, there are two of us in Canada who are engaged in social policy activism on a national level, graduate research, scholarship, and grass roots activism. The collective force of the AVE has brought an amplified credibility that will not be silenced by the political rhetoric of uninformed law enforcement and politicians.

Some of the other presentations at the Google Ideas CICW Summit included cyber tools such as:

1)   Role of Social Media: social media offers a wide range of uses to counter extremist ideological messages, promotion of violence, government and corporation corruption; many other forms of information/intelligence sharing, and activism.

  1. Statistics were presented on how often social media tools such as twitter are utilized to expose conflict in countries that are being censored. This shows how valuable the role of social media tools are within context of human rights around the world. Discussion on how the Internet should be a human right around the world in an intriguing debate and should be further discussed in developed countries.
  2. The role that alternative media has played in exposing truth about dynamics within conflict areas that effectively unravels propaganda campaigns of particular government, rebel groups, and totalitarian forces.IMG_0816
  3. Blogger Analytics: example were offered of how small scale bloggers can become essential to National Security threats and intelligence through innovate reporting, even by amateurs. Some very intriguing and insightful example was presented. Bloggers who were able to discover new weaponry being manufactured in the Middle East to unveiling government corruption.
  4. Online uses to counter cyber bullying and threats. Stories were shared of how activists, bloggers, journalists, and hackers are repressed, censored, and victimized:

i.     A story of a blogger from the Middle East who was kidnapped and tortured for his blogs.

ii.     A blogger from Thailand who utilizes blogging and alternative media to counter bullying in a socially repressive society.

iii.     One gay activist from Iran discussed how society and policy force queer communities to live double lives and to remain in ‘hiding’.

iv.     One hacker told a story about his heavily secured computer and home was broken into by thieves and stole his computer equipment. He ended up hacking into his own computer while thieves were using his computer. Once he identified the location of his computer he was able to get it back.

2)   Internet software tools offered by Google and Google Ideas:

  1. DDOS Protection: a software tool that is offered by Google that will prevent a website from DDOS cyber attacks. This resource can assist and stop websites from being shutdown or tampered with by malicious cyber attacks.
  2. Investigative Dashboard: a tool for investigators, journalists, etc. that has accessible databases on organized crime networks around the world. With this tool tracking financial trails is possible from country to country. This tool can assist with exposing and whistleblowing on corruption with military, government, and corporations.
  3. Anonymity Tools: there are a number of software tools to assist and facilitate anonymous activity online. This can be helpful for those engaged with alternative media sources, investigating potentially sensitive and dangerous individuals and networks, and a wide host of other applications.
  4. Google Proxy Tool: This new tool will allow those in countries with Internet repressive policies to by-pass government censorship online. By means of an individual in a repressed nation can connect to someone’s computer in a country that does not censor Internet access. This can be extremely powerful tool for those involved in alternative media, whistleblowing and necessary human rights activism. Of course the applications offered by this accessible software built right into your web browser and can be connected by two simple clicks is only limited by the users themselves.

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In addition to the wealth of resources that were introduced and presented at the CICW Summit, it was also an amazing experience to network and connect with others. I was able to network with individuals from the USA, Thailand, Canada, and the Middle East that I will surely be engaging with for future projects; most likely more unpaid, but extremely necessary work.

This experience also gave me insights into the importance on educating youth in my own community on how accessible the wider world actually is. It is very possible and even likely for any individual to select a passion they have and to follow that through as a developed skill set in order to contribute to online social movements.

The two most important statements from the CICW Summit that resonated with me. First was that the online world is “reality.” I have often heard that one of the troubles with cyber spaces are that people lie and pretend to be who ever they want to be. This reminds me of how many people I have met in real life who pretend or hide who they really are. The Internet is no different. The latter was that the private sector can respond much more quickly to extremism/terrorism than any law enforcement or government can. Private sector responses can include a number of responses like research, counter-narratives, intelligence, and development of tools.

Networking at Social Event

Google Ideas and the Gen Next Foundation who participated in the CICW Summit hosted an amazing social event. At this event I was able to make some amazing connections. The primary contact I want to speak to is a member from the US Department of State (US-DOS) who used to write for the Southern Poverty Law Center’s (SPLC) magazine. I have now been in contact and will continue to nurture a relationship with US-DOS and SPLC as much as possible. I have been compelled to continue my activism over the last half a decade by the inspiration I have gotten from the work of the SPLC; never in my life had I thought I would make a direct connection to the SPLC.

Other connections include other bloggers who have now inspired me to engage with a more professional, innovative, and sophisticated investigative process and delivery for my social media articles. I am truly inspired by the work of the world leading counter-extremist and whistleblower bloggers I have met.

Google Ideas and AVE Offer Me Gifts

I want to offer a quick story of how integral Google Ideas and the AVE have become a part of my life. First and foremost, these collectives offered me freedom from isolation both in real-life and virtual spaces within context to my research, activism, and writing (creative non-fiction, scholarship, and blogs). In regards to my research Google Ideas and AVE have connected me to the federal government and has resulted in receiving some research funding. Without this funding I would have had to drop out of graduate school. My social experience has been plagued with poverty and adversity. Without strong socially privileged connections it can be debilitating attempting to acquire funding for post-secondary education, university in North America is most accessible to those who are socially privileged.

More personally the CICW has allowed me to leave Canada for the first time legally. Not only was this travel experience rich as a cultural experience it also offered me new networks and even more importantly solidify old connections. I was also able to introduce a friend of mine who runs a youth alternative media source, Gen Why Media, to the CICW Summit. Fiona Rayher is engaged in very necessary projects. One project in particular she is working on is called Fractured Lands. This documentary is about a young lawyer and emerging First Nations leader, Caleb Behn, and how his traditional territory is being impacted by oil and gas industry.

Specifically this documentary educates about the process of frac-ing in northeastern BC, which is only one process of many that has been devastating the environment and people. I was honored to share the network and connections I have been gifted to another strong leader. I am grateful that Fiona Rayher joined the CICW Summit. Her presence is timely as the Summit focused on digital conflict, censorship, and extremism. With the events happening in New Brunswick where First Nations peoples are being threatened yet again by military action, much like the Oka Crisis, brings into context as what constitutes as being extremist-terrorist action and messages.

As a former-violent extremist who has had ties with two separate terrorists in Canada and as a researcher, activist, and writer I boldly proclaim that First Nations are NOT inherently extremist just because they oppose and counter the dominant societies collective efforts to exploit and pillage environment and humans in a colonial force. There are many examples of how Canada as a nation, even in my life time, have repeatedly systemically violated, abused, and murdered First Nations peoples so severely that I am often deeply disappointed and disturbed that I was born into a social class that persists to exploit environment and people for profit; and will go to extreme measures to do so. I am hopeful that there will be dialogue that differentiates First Nations legal right to protest over land claims etc, and not be targeted under counter-terrorist legislation.

Lastly, another gift I received from the Google Ideas CICW Summit was a re-introduction with some people who had deeply impacted my life as a youth. I had ran away from home at age twelve because of the traumatic environment I was raised in. I was physically and sexually victimized as a child. After I left home I survived and supported myself through criminality. As a result I ended up incarcerated for eighteen months. I was then forced into a foster home for six months. I was housed with an amazing family, Jill and Dave Thomas. I left at the end of those six months, never to talk or see the Thomas’ again.

Two years ago I did a facebook search for the Thomas family. I located and contacted Jill through facebook. She was ecstatic and very confused. She told me that years after I had moved out they always assumed I would die on the streets. Then one day the RCMP showed up at the dental office where she worked. When I lived with them she had me in for dental work. She said the RCMP then requested my dental records. She inquired if they had found a body. The RCMP refused to confirm or deny any events and demanded the records. She gave them the records and reconciled with the fact that their foster son had died. Needless to say the Thomas family was shocked when I sent them a facebook message nearly two decades later. We became facebook friends and in frequently talk online with an intention to meet up one day in the future.

Well the day came. I posted a facebook status about my attendance at the Conrad Hilton hotel in lower Manhattan in New York City for a Google Ideas CICW Summit. Jill and Dave Thomas just happened to be in New York City at the same time. After twenty years of not seeing on another, and nearly fifteen years of thinking I had died, we got to hug and drink coffee together at the Conrad Hilton. This gift I offered just speaks to the full circles my life continuously offers.

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Tattoos

Through Google Ideas and AVE, as mentioned earlier, I was granted funding for my research. That funding has assisted me in completing my graduate degree but also gave me another gift. It provided me with an opportunity to pay for tattoo cover-ups. I have covered one swastika tattoo on my arm, and am now in process of covering a giant swastika on my stomach. The tattooist is Rene Botha at LiquidAmber Tattoos in Vancouver. Rene is a superbly talented artist, amazing musician, and a beautiful person. She has an inspiring story and vast experience both personally, professionally, and creatively in her anti-racist contributions. As a result of my tattoo cover-ups I was offered to begin filming a documentary on my social transformation and the work that I do as a former-extremist, researcher, writer, educator, and activist. We will possibly be seeking funding for this coming project in the near future. If it were not for Google Ideas this would not have been possible.

Northern Context

The reason this connection to Google Ideas and AVE is important for me as a northerner is that we do have active white supremacists both on our streets and in online spaces. These individuals have pushed back in response to being exposed and have tried to openly deny their violent ideological positions; however, they have continued with their online presence and promoting violent ideologies in our communities.

I have been told by Prince George Mayor Sherry Green, former Public Safety Canada Minister Vic Toews, provincial representatives from Embrace BC, and RCMP to trust local law enforcement. However, local law enforcement and the specialized hate crimes team has proven to me, and from the feedback I have heard, the community is not happy with the fact that law enforcement only responds when pressured by media, which has often been a result of my advocacy work. Yet, people are not surprised of this because of the tarnished reputation of the RCMP due to racism, excessive force, and gender discrimination.

In my academic perspective this seems to be structurally tied to a dominant socio-political worldview that results in subtle outcomes of hegemonic systems and marginalizing responses. If the city of Prince George, the Province of BC, and the federal Government of Canada whole heartedly believed in the directives they proclaim we would not see a sort of white-privilege” that seems to exist for ‘white’ terrorists and violent extremists. Actually the federal governments choice to repeal Section 13 from the Human Rights Code indicates that quite blatantly they believe that white supremacists right to free speech is more valuable than an effective piece of legislation, namely Section 13, that has had a 100% conviction rate for Lawyer Richard Warman.

For me as a Canadian citizen it reminds me that the same authorities who have dropped the ball on missing First Nations women are the same authorities that are effectively disregarding racist extremists. In a country founded on apartheid policies in order to control the ‘Indian-Problem’ we do not seem to have advanced all that far.

That being said I commend the government for acknowledging its role, The PM’s apology speech, in facilitating genocidal and assimilation programs against First Nations people. The fact that I can publicly say what I think does show how progressive our democracy has become in contrast to yester-year. This however does not in any way negate the very issues I am contending as a researcher/academic, advocate, writer, and educator. The responses from governments and law enforcement in the north are nearly indicators that we as a society have to do a lot more work. Extremist messages need appropriate responses to counter violent action and ideologies.

I am being identified as a leader in a global context to some of these issues. I am hopeful that local authorities will recognize this and begin to work with me rather than attempt to bully and intimidate me into acting in a manner as they see fit, which essentially downplays the threat of violent extremists who believe they are at war with our society. What people sometimes fail to realize is that our society is based upon white supremacist law and culture. A culture of dominance does breed violent demeaning worldviews towards those who are often ‘other-ed’ and marginalized.

Decidedly, I am considering application to study law rather than pursuing doctoral studies due to the apathetic response from law enforcement and governments in context to extremist action; and some of the concerns I have with the status quo within the academy. It seems that unless you are from Southeast Asia, Muslim or First Nations it is ok to commit acts of extremist violence. Perhaps it is systemic ignorance that leads to the ineffective and apathetic approach to investigations and prosecution of hate crime activity.

Furthermore, all of the recent hate crimes charges against extremist white supremacist group Blood & Honor in Vancouver, BC, which includes a Filipino man who was lit on fire, beating of an aboriginal woman, and a brutal assault on a black man were failed hate crimes; all hate crimes charges were dropped. This means less sentences if these people are in fact convicted.

I have followed and profiled each one of the individuals charged with these hate crimes and offered my data to RCMP. Moreover, one of the ex-partners of a racist skinhead charged with one of these mentioned hate crimes informed the hate crimes unit that I had more information for them, which could help substantiate the hate crimes charge. Of course the hate crimes team did not contact me and in fact have attempted to take an authoritarian stance in regards to my activism.

What they do not realize is that no matter how much they try to ignore me my work will continue and until authorities respond appropriately and honor they own stated proclamations in the media and advertised campaigns I will not stop. I am here for the long haul. I will complete law school and I will begin to advocate against the inherent racism and gender discriminatory culture deeply rooted within the RCMP. I will become a force that will affect international pressure upon them until they begin to respond to right wing extremism/terrorism in appropriate manners.

There are many solutions that can be implemented within the systems in order to understand the very things government and law enforcement are exemplifying that they do not actually understand. Acknowledgement of the structural issues needs to be acknowledged then addressed. Moreover, accountability of honoring their own words must be delivered especially in context of public safety and potentially national security.

Tangled in Hair

This poem was not previously published. This blog article is written intentionally with poor grammar and references.

As I return to the city I was homeless in, where we filmed the documentary piece for Global’s 16×9 Brotherhood of Hate.

I am reminded of where I have been, what I have seen, and what I have done in the past.

I remember the security I felt in a Scarved Embrace when recalling the realities of God is Dead. I recall that my Letter to Matthew was inspired by the same aspect of myself that allowed my Mirrored Child to come forth. As I step forth in this city I am Bleeding Tears Pores Sting thick while battling the truth about how Gossip is Personal. Blue Life brings me to My Daughter Loves to Joke in a way that makes Totalitarians Scurry. I have Prism Tears remembering She Danced with Ancients Fade.

She was As Real As I, but she stays clad in the Iron Forest where she recalls that the Minus the One on a Cryptic Night. I am left fraught with What to do with a small fox who carries an albatross. i hope to tear down Cold Brick Walls, which cannot be achieved without Existential Liberation from Emotional Rape. I feel Stiff as the Beat and Rape and Pound sows Rape’s Seed deep in my work, as Await(s), Shethe Bee.

My heart is heavy and my hair is tangled. 

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Moving From Hate to Hope

This piece is written by feminist activist Danielle Paradis. She was assisting Chevi Rabbit today, who had organized From Hate to Hope rally. After Chevi suffered the trauma of a hate crime he organized two consecutive years of a successful and necessary event. I was honoured to be a part of this walk.

 

The man who embraced me was my brothers: former Chief Jerry Goodswimmer and Gary Moostoos.

A Public Reference: Links to media interviews with Daniel Gallant

This is a list of articles and profiles for public reference.

TV/Video Links:

2013

Global National, 16×9, Feb. 2013

Brotherhood of Hate Online Story

Brotherhood of Hate Show (16×9)

Behind the Story Interview with Krysia Collier (Producer) 

 

Newspaper Links

2006

Edmonton Journal, January 6 2006

Ex-skinhead seeks path of redemption

by Graham Andrews

 

2011

Prince George Citizen, Feb. 9 2011

Are Prince George white supremacists gaining momentum?

by Frank Peebles

 

Prince George Citizen, Letter to the Editor, Feb. 11 2011

Many kinds of metal in the mix

by Sam Wright

 

Prince George Citizen, Letter to the Editor, Feb. 18 2011

Don’t disparage black metal scene 

by Leah Coghlan

 

Prince George Citizen, March 9 2011

Sharpeville remembered in P.G.

by Frank Peebles

 

Prince George Citizen, March 20 2011

The Powar of Love

by Frank Peebles

 

Prince George Citizen, March 21 2011

Anti-racists march on Monday

by Arthur Williams

 

Free Press, March 22 2011

Rally held to end racism

by Joe Fries

 

Prince George Citizen, March 22 2011

Bigotry still thrives, gathering told

by Frank Peebles

 

2012

Prince George Citizen, June 27 2012

An education in the extreme: Daniel Gallant turns to learning as he moves from white supremacist to anti-racism crusader

by Ted Clarke

 

2013

Windspeaker, V. 31 Issue 33, 2013

Reformed neo-nazi skinhead UNBC masters student calls residential school system institutional white supremacy

by Deborah Steel

 

Prince George Citizen, May 16 2013

Former skinhead speaks out against residential schools

by Frank Peebles

 

Prince George Citizen, May 31 2013

What’s Happening Prince George

by Citizen Staff

 

Prince George Citizen, June 5 2013

What Chances did the farmers have if the Axis powers lost?

by Frank Peebles

 

Outwords: queer views, news, issues, July 2013

Turning hate into advocacy

by Danielle Cloutier

 

Prince George Citizen, Nov. 4 2013

Former extremist brings anti-racism message to NY

by Frank Peebles

 

2014

Prince George Citizen, May 23 2014

What Happening

by Citizen Staff

 

Magazines

2013

Thompson Rivers University: Paper Trails Magazine, On campus racism and vandalism, 2013

by Nigel

2014

Decibel Magazine Blog, May 5 2014

Ex-Skinhead: “This was never just about Inquisition”

by Justin M. Norton

 

Decibel Magazine (In-Print), July 2013 Issue #113

Interview with Daniel Gallant

by Justin M. Norton

 

Newsletters

AVE [Against Violent Extremism], Feb. 2013

Video Corner

 

 

University of Norther British Columbia, First Nations Studies Newsletter, Fall 2013

FNST Graduate Invited to Speak at Google Ideas Summit

First Nations Newsletter

 

AVE [Against Violent Extremism], May 28 2014

Formers & Survivors take centre stage in Far Right workshop

 

 

Radio:

2004: CBC Radio: Edmonton: White Supremacist Bombings

2010: CBC Radio: Edmonton: Hate Group Activity

2011: CBC Radio: Edmonton: Recent Hate Crimes

2011: CBC Radio: Calgary: Recent Hate Crimes

2012: CBC Radio: Prince George: Healing from Hate through Writing

 

Blog Articles:

Feminist Blogger

 

Daniel and Inquisition:

Shamelessnavelgazing Blog article: Inquisitions and black metal’s fascism problem

 

http://www.metalinjection.net/latest-news/rumors/black-metal-band-inquisition-are-probably-nazis

 

http://www.decibelmagazine.com/featured/inquisition-frontman-dagon-im-not-a-nazi/

 

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2014/05/black_metal_ban.html

 

http://www.metalinsider.net/updates/inquisition-frontman-im-not-a-nazi

 

http://shamelessnavelgazing.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/inquisition-and-black-metals-fascism-problem-clarification-and-follow-up/

 

http://www.metalsucks.net/2014/05/02/analysis-inquisitions-weak-denial/

 

http://www.metalinjection.net/editorials/so-inquisition-arent-nazis-i-dont-know-who-cares#comments

 

http://www.decibelmagazine.com/featured/ex-skinhead-this-was-never-just-about-inquisition/

 

http://www.metalsucks.net/2014/05/05/inquisitionwhite-supremacy-controversy-continues/

 

http://www.metalinjection.net/latest-news/drama/ex-skinhead-who-labeled-inquisition-as-white-supremacists-speaks-out

 

http://www.nocleansinging.com/2014/05/06/the-inquisition-inquisition/